“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.”

This quote by Vince Lombardi epitomized so much of my passion and view of success as I competed in athletics throughout my youth and into university. “Victorious” meant the winner. The best. The only one left standing. My years of athletics were marked by so many tangible achievements- state championships, conference titles, national tournament berths, and personal accolades. Each scoreboard victory fueled my identity as an athlete, a winner, a success. Each loss chipped away at my ego, reminding me that there is more to be done and that I need to push through whatever or whoever was in the way.

My competitive spirit was so strong that even my boyfriend struggled to want to play games of any sort with me. I was often a sore loser and not a very gracious winner. Jordan even explained he was not interested in playing games together until after the Race, then we would try again. Yikes. (I love you, Jord! :))

This month, we served with Lighthouse in Action in Chiang Mai, Thailand. One part of ministry provided me the opportunity to build relationships through teaching English to women who may have previously worked in the sex trade industry, were at-risk of entering it, or came from troubled pasts and now have refuge at Lighthouse in Action. The women will use their new English skills to work at the recently renovated Zion Café. We played all sorts of games like Memory or Go Fish to practice our English. Cultural training and feedback taught me how to love these women best by embracing their way of doing things.

So enter Thai culture. Where a stand-alone winner spoils all the fun. Where it’s more important that everyone is involved and enjoying themselves than it is to declare a winner. My friend Liz, from Lighthouse in Action, once observed a group of Thai people playing UNO. She saw a player “win” and run out of cards but without hesitation, picked up a couple cards from the deck in order to keep the game going. This is a difficult concept for someone from American culture, and for (a previous version of) me especially. How can I fuel my worth if I let other people win? They won’t be able to see clearly how I have the talents, wits, and determination to take it all, no matter how big or small the feat. U-G-L-Y.

Now, enter Jesus. Who has been transforming my identity. Who has enveloped my heart with the truth. I am not a winner, nor a loser. I am not the best nor do I need to strive for that. I don’t have to fight for definition of who I am. The issue of my value was settled at the cross. Daughter of a King. Enough. Redeemed. Strong. Victorious. Not victorious because of my works. Or my work outs. Or my win to loss ratio. But victorious over trials, circumstances, and even death through Him.

I still love the Vince Lombardi quote from above. I want to be exhausted on the field of battle. But it’s not a battle to be the best and leave the rest in the dust. It’s a battle to make everyone feel loved with Christ’s love. Even through UNO. It’s a battle to speak truth where we are so inundated with lies about ourselves.

And I still want victory. Man, do I want victory. Victory in the form of redemption. Victory in the form of renewed lives. Victory in the form of Light triumphing over dark.

It doesn’t take moving mountains to love well. Sometimes it’s just pretending like you don’t know where the other banana is during Memory even when you just picked it up last turn. 😉

Hug for you,

Toby